Static

“When I first met you, I felt a kind of contradiction in you. You’re seeking something, but at the same time, you are running away for all you’re worth.”

― Haruki Murakami

She was static. A constant push and pull as you leaned in for more. She was the wind that slipped through your fingertips and brushed through your hair. Gentle but elusive. You could not catch her if you tried. She had the habit of being both things at once. She was hot with passion and cold with carelessness. The only thing that she was consistent about was inconsistency. She was left and right but she could never get it right within. She slept but never rested. She was the calm and the storm. She was internally conflicted in her worth today and convinced she was of high value tomorrow. She was today and tomorrow. She lived in the future but could only commit to the moment. She was arrogant yet insecure of what she was capable of. And although they could not hold her, they could smell the uncertainty as she passed them by. She could smell their fear. It was in her essence and essential to her way of life. It was undeniably alluring but down right terrifying because a girl who is good is boring. A girl who is bad is a lot of work. But a girl who is neither and yet both, is one you should watch out for. She was undefined in life and love. She was never satisfied, never certain and never herself or anyone else. She was a flight risk that took off before you gave the signal. She was a gamble that left you broke. She was all or nothing but you could never have all of her. She was the ultimate ultimatum. She was static and they were shocked.

 


 

Tumblr Tuesdays: Before WordPress or Evoke Embody Evolve, for me, there was Tumblr. This is where it got real….raw…emotional..brutally honest. For years, I poured my frustrations into a password protected space. Now, each Tuesday, I’ll release an unpublished post just for you. Hear that?… That’s the sound of a classic coming up for air.

Lean In 

For those late night walks through the neighborhood. For stolen glances and any excuse to ignore the tension in the room. For intimate encounters without sex. For hesitating to say goodbye but needing to. For poetic inspiration. Lean in.

I don’t want to want you.

But I knew the minute I leaned into the kiss that you had started, everything I buried was being dug back up just for you.

I got butterflies in my stomach like you didn’t take my heart and burn it to the ground. Now you’re using that flame to set my soul on fire.

I’m watching my desires devour and destroy me. How nice of you to buy me front row seats to my demise.

Still, I WANTED … to kiss you. Can you believe that? After everything. I spent the whole time thinking I want to kiss those lips. I think you did too.

But, we resist. For a while.

Could you feel the gravitational pull as we started off across the room with comfortable but cautious conversations that always get carried away?

Moths to light. Mouth to mouth.

Do you remember the last time…

..when I decided to move on?

…when you found someone new?

….when we agreed to be friends?

…when I couldn’t commit?

…when you couldn’t stop killing me softly… deeply… slowly…?

Do you?

I do… but your eyes convince me to construct a case of amnesia.

The next thing I know,  I’m pushed up against a wall and my mouth is on yours.

I’m lying on your chest and taking in giant gulps of your cologne.

I feel safe while I suffer in the arms of my serial spring fling.

I am dying at your hands but your lips awaken me.

Kiss me, I think.

But I start for the door.

“This is a mistake,” I say…

Then I lean in for more.

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Tumblr Tuesdays: Before WordPress or Evoke Embody Evolve, for me, there was Tumblr. This is where it got real….raw…emotional..brutally honest. For years, I poured my frustrations into a password protected space. Now, each Tuesday, I’ll release an unpublished post just for you. Hear that?… That’s the sound of a classic coming up for air.

What Falling Feels Like

It’s impossible to pinpoint the exact moment when you lose control. You don’t see it when it’s coming and it hurts to watch it go. But you can feel it…

It always happens this way…

It starts off with a spark; an inkling of an idea and it builds momentum. I can feel it, day in and day out, getting stronger and stronger. I weaken to the idea of it until it controls me. Until it functions on its own without my approval. Until I can’t think straight anymore and it begins to fill the cracks and crevices of my being. Until it begins to not only go to bed with me, but also awake me in the morning. Until it becomes the thing that gets me out of bed and going.

Then every other minute, a thought is centered around it. Every conversation leads back to it. The fascination is frightening and the infatuation tears into my flesh. So, I can’t think straight. I can’t get my words out. I can’t NOT check for you or wait for you or want you. It wakes me up and gets me going until I crash into a ocean of unrequited love that was never promised, only fantasized about.

Until I’m drowning in it and my temple is pounding, mind racing, begging me to “BREATHE and think of a way out of this.” To survive this attack of my livelihood. Until i’m choking on the words, “STAY AWAY NEXT TIME!”

So, don’t you dare let that spark set your soul on fire.

Not again.

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Tumblr Tuesdays: Before  Wordpress or Evoke Embody Evolve, for me, there was Tumblr. This is where it got real….raw…emotional..brutally honest. For years, I poured my frustrations into a password protected space. Now, each Tuesday, I’ll release an unpublished post just for you. Hear that?… That’s the sound of a classic coming up for air.

SOLD.

The regret that came with taking a job that I wasn’t passionate about caught up with me. I thought that “making it” meant button ups and business cards. I found out, however, that the salary could not sustain the artist that lives in me.

I feel like I sold my soul for a seat at a table with people who don’t value my opinions or passions anyway.

I auctioned off my creative mind for a 9-5 because I thought success meant having an office.

They gave me a salary in exchange for the time that I’ve wasted trying to convince myself that I could be happy doing this forever.

They dangled business cards before my eyes so that I would feed into the lie that people knowing my name could be more fulfilling than knowing myself.

They gave me my personal extension hoping that I wouldn’t take any wake up calls. Took down my direct deposit information to send me the same amount every month but what I desperately needed was a reality check.

I sat in HR discussing benefits while burying the parts of me that make me feel alive. I had a funeral on the same day that I set up retirement.

You look so good in your business attire but you have no business being here when there is a fire inside of you.

Creative minds, beware of what it will really cost you to get paid at a job that you prayed for because you were too afraid that your real ambitions would fail.

Beware of the discomfort you will feel in the shoes that were easy to put on but made for someone else’s feet. You will have to shrink yourself to fill them.

The worst parts of your day will be when they point out your gifts but won’t value them. You will resent them for the box that you put yourself in.

Your purpose will shine through in the mediocrities of the job and their compliments will cut like insults because it insinuates your true potential.

You’ll take the title attached to the name attached to the face that you won’t be able to pick out in a line up.

Line up! Next to all of the lost, creative souls who did a disservice to themselves. Is it a homicide or a suicide to kill your dreams with doubt?

You’re successful but a monster for watching yourself suffer.. for a seat at a table with people who don’t know you or value you because you placed more value on your desired pay than your inner most desires.

“Congratulations! We are excited to offer you a position with our company” accompanied with the regret you will feel when you realize that you can still hit rock bottom.. at the top.

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No Holding Back: PoeticallyRaw

Meet Alayssa Thomas, a.k.a “PoeticallyRaw”, a 23-year-old writer and poetess who is passionate about personal freedom and women’s rights! Originally born in Georgetown, Guyana, PoeticallyRaw’s love for writing flourished from a very young age. She finds it easiest to write about heartbreak and uplifting men and women because of her generation’s desire for lust and lack of love for others and self. Artists like Lauryn Hill, Jasmine Mans and Sista Queen have had a major influence on her writing and perspective thus far.

allaysa1Aside from writing, Alayssa loves fashion; her style is uniquely her own! She is a recent graduate of South Carolina State University, an HBCU, located in Orangeburg, SC! There, she earned a Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice. She is driven to serve others through both writing and public service and aspires to be a police officer and author in the future.

I got the chance to talk with PoeticallyRaw about her art; heres what she said:

Who or what inspires your craft?


“When it comes to writing, quiet a few people and things inspire me. My top two people who inspire me to write: Lauryn Hill and Jasmine Mans. When it comes to Lauryn, she was the voice of the people and a top female MC.  What made her dope to me was the fact that her content was always very uplifting for both women and men; her style was untouchable. When it comes to Jasmine Mans, I must say her rawness is my inspiration. I remember coming across one of her pieces, “Dear EX Lover”. In the beginning she said, “Your words don’t start to mean anything until you start telling the truth.” I was a senior in high school then. From that point on, I knew that whenever I got on stage and opened my mouth to speak, I wanted it to be nothing but the truth because the truth shall set you free. One thing I’ve learned is that truth is the only safe ground to stand on. Jasmine Mans’ opening to that poem was the game changer for me.”

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When did you start writing?


“I began writing at the age of eight. When I started, it was only as a means to feel better; I didn’t know that I would be creating a space for others to run and find comfort in. When I was in 7th or 8th grade, I came across a piece called “Try being a lady”  by Sistah Queen; she was one of the featured poets on the show Def Jam Poetry. While watching her, I remember thinking to myself, I can do that. Thats what I’ve been doing this whole time. In that moment, I knew that I would become a spoken word poetess.”

What new projects are you currently working on?

“I don’t currently have any projects that are set in stone, but I am writing everyday. In the near future, I intend to drop an EP! Later on, I’ll publish a book.”

What goal are you ultimately trying to accomplish with your work?

“Honestly, my ultimate goal has been changing since I started. I used to want to be famous for my  writing, but now I’ll be satisfied with just using my art to inspire as many as I can. Also, to publish a few books. If I did end up getting paid to do what I love, that would be the happiest moment of my life.”

Any advice for other artists?

“My advice to any artist would be to be true to yourself and your work. Always be honest. As long as you’re true to yourself, the crowd will always love you no matter how far you travel.”

Connect with Alayssa aka PoeticallyRaw!

Instagram:  @PoeticallyRaw (Newest work will be posted here!)

Youtube: Poetically Raw

Soundcloud: poeticallyraw

Interested in being featured for your own art? Tell me here!

Black Musicians Matter: Briennia Jenkins

unnamed (3)Briennia De’andra Jenkins is a 21-year-old singer, rapper, songwriter and poet. Majoring in accounting, she is in her final year at Coastal Carolina University. During her time at Coastal, Briennia has been an active participant in many organizations including Alpha Kappa Psi inc. and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP.)

She is is best known for her soulful voice and passion about race relations and equal rights. She adamantly supports the Black Lives Matter movement and the empowerment of African-American men and women. Upon graduating, she plans to pursue music as a career.

I got a chance to catch up with Briennia! Check out what she had to say:

Who or what inspires you?

“I am most inspired by Lauryn Hill to make music. She inspires me to be simple and complex. Simple in materialistic things; complex in my way of thinking. unnamed (1)My drive to make a career out of music comes solely from my deceased mother, Ms. Gwendolyn D Jenkins. Music kept her going throughout her battle with Leukemia. She made me appreciate my gift more than ever.”

When did you start making music?

“I began creating my own music about two years ago. It started out with poetry and then it blossomed into rapping and singing.”

What new projects are you working on?

“I am currently putting together an EP that will feature other up and coming artists and poets. This will be my very first one so I am excited about debuting my work to the world.”

What goal are you ultimately trying to accomplish with your work?

“My goal is simply to move people. Music means nothing if nobody can feel it. Also as a lesbian and African-American artist, I hope to motivate others like me to chase their dreams no matter what people will think.”

Any advice for other artists?

“Stay original!”


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Connect with Briennia!

Youtube      Instagram   Twitter      Facebook

 

BLOG LAUNCH!

Welcome to Evoke Embody Evolve! For the past few months, I’ve been brainstorming, building, breaking down and rebuilding my very first blog for the public. Today is the official launch day and I am ecstatic to share it with all of you!

Welcome to

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If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I truly appreciate you for taking the time out to visit and support. It means the world!

For the past few months, I’ve been brainstorming, building, breaking down and rebuilding my very first blog for the public. Today is the official launch day and I am ecstatic to share it with all of you!

A little background:

I believe that I was born to write.

For as far back as I can remember, I have always been intrigued by words. From the moment that I could make sense of them on a page, the obsession raged on incessantly.

As a child, I would immerse myself into books I was barely big enough to carry. I would get attached to fictitious characters and linger on complex ways to reinvent a simple sentence.

I can attribute this interest to two factors. The first is the bookcase, twice my size, that my mother provided. The second was the first journal that my grandfather bought for me at a book fair.

Over the years, I evolved as a writer. I went from beginning every entry with “dear diary” and poetry that had to rhyme to free form writing and blogging. It took me years to realize that the rules that I set in my head for writing ultimately held me back as a writer. Once I figured this out, I was free.

I started my first blog, “It Just Got Real”, in 2011. I wanted a place where I truly could say whatever I wanted. It was password protected and allowed me to vent without judgement. There, I released it all. It was therapy. Around the same time, I created a blog on the same account that was public. It touched on the lighter side of things.

When I created these blogs, I was only interested in writing for myself. But with Evoke Embody Evolve, the goal is to write for the world. I want to document my struggles and growth to encourage others in their walk with Christ. I chose the three words evoke, embody and evolve because this is what I want to give to others.  I want to awaken their conscious mind and change the way that they think. I want to bring emotion to life through the use of poetry and art while also encouraging others to use the gifts that God placed inside of them. Finally, I want to promote a positive transformation because goal is always, always, always to grow.

All roads have always led me back to words; both spoken and written. Essentially, I majored in words. So, I pray that someday these words make a major difference.

Again, I appreciate all of the positive affirmations and hope that you enjoy what is to come. Please take the time to subscribe if you like what you see! I also encourage you to interact and answer the writing prompts that I will provide each week.

With love,

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Poetry: Air



I looked to the sky and saw simplicity. And in that moment, I understood why the dove symbolizes peace.

Because with my feet on the ground, I still feel the weight of the world on me. I want a breath of that fresh air. I want to feel free.

But instead, too often I feel myself suffocating.

Exhaling far more than I inhale. Giving more than I take demands a lot out of me.

I looked up and saw that the sky wasn’t as cluttered as my mind and I envied what I feared.

The birds are oblivious to their privilege.

They don’t even know why they sing!

What did they do to deserve that peace.. that air.. that freedom… that wind beneath those wings?

I am a prisoner to the earth and my mind while they cut through space and time. And me, I feel like I could never have enough of it.

I dream of the day that a bird offers me their wings for my feet.

I know exactly why the caged bird sings but for the life of me.. I can’t figure out why the free bird would ever choose to land in this complexity.

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Poetry: Closure

The only thing that closure ever did for me…

was open doors.

Its been a year and I still haven’t figured out how to shut you out.

There is a fence around my house that is just barely high enough for you NOT to climb over.

I built it myself.

Just for you.

I set up road blocks around my heart. There is no detour that would lead you to it.

All of the highways are closed off due to the damage caused by a storm named after you.

For 2 inconsistent years, I looked into the windows of your soul and got lost in the most dangerous place to be in a hurricane.

Your eyes.

I wrapped caution tape around my body like everyday is an ABC party. I figured the least I could do was warn them.

I’m off limits.

I put my healing heart behind a glass case with a sign that says “Break in case of emergency” because if my being is ever at risk again for falling for you, I pray that someone doesn’t spare me the cold reality.

I hope that they break my heart before you do.

All communication between us was blocked off. No texting, no sexting, no DMs, WYDs or IMUs at 2 am.

and it was all for my own good.

So, imagine my surprise finding out that there is no mental block that I can use to get rid of you.

There is no delete button to remove you from my memories.

One glimpse of you and all interactions are restored and filed accordingly.

There is no unsubscribe option for your many appearances in my dreams.

I wish I could OPT out.

I tried to get over you.

I tried to stay away from you.

I tried to forget you.

I tried to forgive you.

I tried to shut a door that you never even cared enough to knock at.

Because I know that if you did, I’d let you in.

Because if you came to my fence, I’d remove the padlock.

If you got lost on the way to me, I’d give you my new address.

 ALL I’ve ever done for you was keep the door cracked.

And the only thing closure ever did for me was open it back.

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