What Falling Feels Like

It’s impossible to pinpoint the exact moment when you lose control. You don’t see it when it’s coming and it hurts to watch it go. But you can feel it…

It always happens this way…

It starts off with a spark; an inkling of an idea and it builds momentum. I can feel it, day in and day out, getting stronger and stronger. I weaken to the idea of it until it controls me. Until it functions on its own without my approval. Until I can’t think straight anymore and it begins to fill the cracks and crevices of my being. Until it begins to not only go to bed with me, but also awake me in the morning. Until it becomes the thing that gets me out of bed and going.

Then every other minute, a thought is centered around it. Every conversation leads back to it. The fascination is frightening and the infatuation tears into my flesh. So, I can’t think straight. I can’t get my words out. I can’t NOT check for you or wait for you or want you. It wakes me up and gets me going until I crash into a ocean of unrequited love that was never promised, only fantasized about.

Until I’m drowning in it and my temple is pounding, mind racing, begging me to “BREATHE and think of a way out of this.” To survive this attack of my livelihood. Until i’m choking on the words, “STAY AWAY NEXT TIME!”

So, don’t you dare let that spark set your soul on fire.

Not again.

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Tumblr Tuesdays: Before  Wordpress or Evoke Embody Evolve, for me, there was Tumblr. This is where it got real….raw…emotional..brutally honest. For years, I poured my frustrations into a password protected space. Now, each Tuesday, I’ll release an unpublished post just for you. Hear that?… That’s the sound of a classic coming up for air.