Sometimes I hide from God.
Usually it is after a failure, a short coming or a complete 180 because I am not perfect. And although I know he does not need me to be, I can’t help but feel conviction.
So, I hide.
Day in and day out, sometimes for months at a time, until He catches up to me.
I hide in the mornings when I’m running late. I run around in circles and forget to say a prayer to thank Him for giving me another day to even decide if I should run or bow down.
I hide on my lunch break in between bites of my sandwich and social media surfing. If I’m distracted, I don’t have to face the fear that I will never have the consistency He deserves.
I hide in moments of frustration so that I will have an excuse to be petty instead of patient. I use the pain as a pretext to retaliate. I use it as the scapegoat to hold a grudge.
I get home and hide from my reflection because I can’t look at all that He made me and handle the idea that I’m not living up to it.
I hide behind accomplishments, hobbies, titles and make check marks in my head as if it adds more or less value to my identity.
I hide behind the people who I love and take in their opinions of me like oxygen.
And then I hide from them because I’m not always who they think I am. I’m not even always who I think I am and that scares me.
In my weakest moments, I hide from God.
I fail then hide. Then when I’ve hidden long enough, I continue to hide because I realize that there was no reason to hide in the first place! I hide because I knew better than to think He wouldn’t love me in spite of me hiding. I understand what Adam and Eve felt because it is a never-ending cycle trying to expose yourself to God then feeling so ashamed that you try to cover up.
Sometimes I hide from God in a garden, behind a tree, covered in fig leaves to distract the world from my vulnerability.
But he knows exactly where I am. He knows exactly where to find me. Hiding.
* Apply it! What or who are you hiding from? Leave a comment below!